You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
