you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
