my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
