Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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