Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
