do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
