man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
