if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize