I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
