very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Randomize
