Pappa wants mamma naked
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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