yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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