a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
