He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
