My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
