My first STD was from a foam party
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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