Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Randomize
