ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
