Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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