i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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