I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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