between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize