I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
