I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
