So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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