I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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