I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
