Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize