How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
