I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I skipped work to stalk him.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
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