Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
