If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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