I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
