thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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