Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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