Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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