the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
