I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize