so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
