I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
