I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
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