who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
