Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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