You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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