I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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