Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
