He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
