I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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