she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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