I think I won the penis lottery.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
