there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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