It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
