saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
