why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
