you're like a bully in the Christmas story
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
