Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I lost the right to judge tonight
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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