The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
