I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
