i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
my poor anus
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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