just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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