But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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