im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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