What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
