At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize
