she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize