Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
