went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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