Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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